Okay, I did it...I made my very first mistake as Mesfin's (Giovanni's) Mum. I knew it was going to happen and I expect many more to come - what I wasn't expecting is that it would happen on Day #3 of our lives together!
When we arrived at Horizon House for the very first time and spent time with all the "older" kids one of the first things we noticed is how much the children enjoyed the new toys all the parents had brought - balloons to inflate - deflate - then inflate over and over again, bubbles to blow, chalk to write with on the concrete, etc. etc. The second thing we noticed is that there is a drastic difference between "community" property and "personal" property.
This is completely understandable when you consider that these kids have literally lost everything in their short-lived lives. They have lost their parents, their families, their friends, their homes, their community...and soon their country of birth. Everything is communal property at an orphanage - it has to be...there is no possible way to effectively run a home with that many children when all you have to work with is lots of love from a dedicated staff and very few resources.
On DAY #1 (November 29, 2009) our nephew Ben gave our little Mesfin (Giovanni) a matchbox - a little car. Ben also gave him the watch he was wearing and a bracelet he had handmade for him. Mesfin (Giovanni) was beyond thrilled! He walked around with his two hands held out in front of him - one with the watch on it, the other with his new bracelet - as if he was wearing the most precious of jewels. He had fun kicking the soccer ball with us, running around chasing bubbles with the other children, and watching all the activity going on around him while sitting on my lap...but, it was his new possessions that brought him the most joy.
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DAY #2 (November 30, 2009) - we rush to the US Embassy for our visa appointment. He wore his new outfit we had brought him and his new watch (which he checks every so often as if he has an important meeting that he just can't miss) and his bracelet. His matchbox was nowhere to be found, but Ben had brought him a school bus matchbox so all was well. Nick and I brought him a little blue backpack that we had packed with crayons, activity books, a cool water jug, a little ball, games, even a banana, etc., etc. specifically to keep him occupied at the Embassy. He loved it! At the Embassy he shared his new stickers with all the other kids and their parents - placing the stickers on their hands and for a lucky few - on their foreheads. He was beaming! When we left him that afternoon at Horizon House, we took the blue backpack with us to the hotel - which he seemed quite relieved about.
DAY #3 (December 1, 2009) - we arrive at Horizon House in the morning and Mesfin (Giovanni) came bounding out of the building and jumped into my arms and gave me a huge bear hug and kiss on my cheek - he then jumped from my arms into Nick's and did the same to him. He was still wearing his Embassy outfit (which is amazingly clean and without a wrinkle) - but had his crocs on instead of his leather sandals (he walked kind of funny in them yesterday - they look like they fit him perfectly - just think he is used to wearing crocs). He still had on his watch and his bracelet. His matchbox car and school bus are nowhere to be found...but, Ben had brought him a matchbox helicopter that he immediately stuck into the pocket on his shirt. He was happy!
When we arrived at Horizon House for the very first time and spent time with all the "older" kids one of the first things we noticed is how much the children enjoyed the new toys all the parents had brought - balloons to inflate - deflate - then inflate over and over again, bubbles to blow, chalk to write with on the concrete, etc. etc. The second thing we noticed is that there is a drastic difference between "community" property and "personal" property.
This is completely understandable when you consider that these kids have literally lost everything in their short-lived lives. They have lost their parents, their families, their friends, their homes, their community...and soon their country of birth. Everything is communal property at an orphanage - it has to be...there is no possible way to effectively run a home with that many children when all you have to work with is lots of love from a dedicated staff and very few resources.
On DAY #1 (November 29, 2009) our nephew Ben gave our little Mesfin (Giovanni) a matchbox - a little car. Ben also gave him the watch he was wearing and a bracelet he had handmade for him. Mesfin (Giovanni) was beyond thrilled! He walked around with his two hands held out in front of him - one with the watch on it, the other with his new bracelet - as if he was wearing the most precious of jewels. He had fun kicking the soccer ball with us, running around chasing bubbles with the other children, and watching all the activity going on around him while sitting on my lap...but, it was his new possessions that brought him the most joy.
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DAY #2 (November 30, 2009) - we rush to the US Embassy for our visa appointment. He wore his new outfit we had brought him and his new watch (which he checks every so often as if he has an important meeting that he just can't miss) and his bracelet. His matchbox was nowhere to be found, but Ben had brought him a school bus matchbox so all was well. Nick and I brought him a little blue backpack that we had packed with crayons, activity books, a cool water jug, a little ball, games, even a banana, etc., etc. specifically to keep him occupied at the Embassy. He loved it! At the Embassy he shared his new stickers with all the other kids and their parents - placing the stickers on their hands and for a lucky few - on their foreheads. He was beaming! When we left him that afternoon at Horizon House, we took the blue backpack with us to the hotel - which he seemed quite relieved about.
DAY #3 (December 1, 2009) - we arrive at Horizon House in the morning and Mesfin (Giovanni) came bounding out of the building and jumped into my arms and gave me a huge bear hug and kiss on my cheek - he then jumped from my arms into Nick's and did the same to him. He was still wearing his Embassy outfit (which is amazingly clean and without a wrinkle) - but had his crocs on instead of his leather sandals (he walked kind of funny in them yesterday - they look like they fit him perfectly - just think he is used to wearing crocs). He still had on his watch and his bracelet. His matchbox car and school bus are nowhere to be found...but, Ben had brought him a matchbox helicopter that he immediately stuck into the pocket on his shirt. He was happy!
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I had also brought along his little blue backpack. I showed him some photos I had printed out at the hotel of him and his friends and he had so much fun showing all his friends (this was especially fun for us to see and hear because it's the first time we have heard him speak in long sentences - granted we don't understand a word he said, but it's great to just hear what his voice sounds like!).
Then he saw his backpack and motioned to have me open it - he took out his yellow crayon box and pad of white paper. His Aunt Tami (an amazing artist) drew a dog and a cat which he loved watching her draw. (Not sure if I mentioned in my other emails - we found out while waiting at the Embassy visit that Mesfin does not yet know how to hold a crayon or pencil - but, he does enjoy watching others draw pictures for him.)
As Tami drew, some of the other children came over to see what she was drawing and then that is when I did it...I made my very first mistake as his Mum...I moved his crayons over so the other children could draw some pictures on the pad of paper as well. His demeanor immediately changed from sheer joy to absolute devastation. He struck his fist out several times (thankfully, not actually hitting anyone) at the group of kids and shed some tears (more tears of anger than sadness).
I tried to communicate that he needed to share with the others. I realized later that it wasn't the fact that the other kids were coloring - it was the fact that they were coloring with HIS crayons on HIS pad of paper. The only possessions in his world that were truly his. I went and got a brand new box of "communal" crayons and opened it for the other kids - but, the damage was done. He was no longer in love with his yellow box of crayons. His tears didn't last long, but his whole being was deflated. He took out a little game from his blue backpack and sat quietly beside me and let me show him how to arrange his pieces - but there was no joy.
Mulat arrived and I asked him to please translate to Mesfin (Giovanni) that his blue packback and everything in it was his - but, that he needed to share with the others. Mesfin looked at Mulat the whole time he was talking, but didn't respond back. When Mulat was finished, Mesfin went over and sat down on one of the chairs against the wall - just sitting. When Ben went over and sat next to him - Mesfin slowly took off his new watch and dutifully gave it back to Ben. I realized that he had taken what Mulat had said to him to mean that ALL that we had given to him was now communal property...it was no longer "just his".
Ben took the watch and placed it back on Mesfin's (Giovanni's) wrist...but, I could tell its value had changed significantly in the eyes of one little boy. We watched while the kids ate lunch - Mesfin sat at the table, but today he did not say the prayer with all the other children, nor did he eat. He just sat, with an occasional tear running down his cheek. We had to leave as they take their naps right after lunch...so, that's how we left him...just sitting, still no joy.
LESSON: Children learn the art of sharing very quickly at an orphanage. Yet, what they most desperately seek is the sense of ownership. (For "non-orphans" the reverse is the norm.)
IF I HAD IT TO DO ALL OVER: Upon arriving at Horizon House, I would have brought his blue backpack into the guest house and brought him inside to play with his new possessions with just us - no other children around that he would have to share with.
TODAY I WILL: Bring his backpack with us - I will put it into the guest house - then I will go get Mesfin and hopefully Sister Tirhas or Mulat who can translate for me as I want to explain to Mesfin that everything in his blue backpack is his and he doesn't have to share anything with anyone unless he want to.
What I hope for is that our little Mesfin (Giovanni) is good at forgiving for I am quite certain this was just the first of many, many mistakes his Mum will make on our journey together!
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